Feeling down tonight, all of a sudden – watched the Britney episode of Glee, and all those tiny dancer bodies made me feel thoroughly triggered and very depressed. I don’t usually have too much of a problem with it, but it’s touched a nerve tonight. I just feel like – what is ’45 minutes dancing every other day’ in the face of that? It’s nothing. Why am I trying.
Okay, we’ll do a daily log to take my mind off it:
- breakfast: porridge w. soya yoghurt & plum compote
- pecan pie nakd bar + tea (w. non-vegan milk)
- lunch: black bean & avocado salad in a wholemeal pitta
- dinner: pea soup w. spelt & rye bread and soya spread
- half a non-vegan butterscotch cookie & 3 x tea w. soya milk
- 1 slice spelt & rye toast w. almond butter & peach jam + tea w. soya milk
God that looks like a horrible amount of food. It’s only about 1,200 cals. And a 45 minute walk.
I’d planned to have something completely different for dinner, but there was an unexpected food/Christmas fair in the student’s union when I was walking home at the end of the day, so I had a look round with a friend from my course (! this is a big achievement, because people on my course are pretty damn unfriendly, haha) and the guy on the bread stall looked so enthusiastic I decided just to go for it. Plus, he wrapped it in red-and-white paper, and I felt very wholesome walking home with it held to my chest. Damned if I know if I’m going to eat a whole loaf by myself before it goes stale, but.
The pecan pie nakd bar is another of my new flavours – I love them all by default, basically, but it didn’t super blow me away, the same way the cocoa orange did. It’s a little higher in calories, but also has an extra gram of protein.
Watching comedy on BBC1 now & trying to cheer up; I think a lot of the reason for feeling so down is just time-of-the-month to be honest, although I tend to find that PMS doesn’t make me feel sad in itself – it just helps me to figure out what I’m feeling sad about the rest of the month. And if I’m struggling with body image, of course that’s gonna manifest. So I suppose… just gotta wait it out.